I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize