Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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