i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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