I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
