I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize