watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
