Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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