the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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