so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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