Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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