I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
