Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
