Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
