I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize