i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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