we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He did a backflip because drugs
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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