my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
