forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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