If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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