drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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