I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
