This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
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