I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
