six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
