I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
