i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
