I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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