The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
