he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
