Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
