I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
