I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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