My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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