I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
