Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
