I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize