with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
