you guys were way drunker than both of me
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
