I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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