I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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