i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize