i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
