my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
