Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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