Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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