For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
