How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
