guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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