I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
