It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
