i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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