I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
