the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
