there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
