haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
