i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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