i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
