I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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