I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
