Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize