I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
