and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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