Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
