i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
