TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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