The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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