Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
