I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize