i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
