if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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