Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize