When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
you made out with another girl for some wings
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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