So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
