I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
