If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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