Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
