If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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