forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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